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Dr. Theobald Ph. D on ye Mock Mayor Campaign Trail

from GurdyBird's GurdyWords & live tunes from 2016 by GurdyBird

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about

Dr. Theobald's speech in hopes to be elected at the first Penryn Mock Mayor/Mock Mayor of Mylor in over 100 years.

lyrics

Well, I quite like the cut of the jib of Penryn,
I mean, you're reasonably clean and we know where you've been.
Let's assume that you're lucky, and it's me you elect,
I'll shut down your surgery with immediate effect
And open my own, within a matter of weeks
All he GPs around will be wearing these beaks.

If you're sick of queuing to make an appointment,
I recommend cure-alls and tinctures and ointments.
I'll dose you all up then you won't care a jot
When I rinse all you 'Rynners for all that you've got,
I mean...rinse all you winners free of infection.

If physicians should happen to win this election
The transport could run seven times to the hour,
And this isn't just nonsense just to get into power.
We'll end all the buses and replace them with carts,
They've, er, got their own bells and they stop and they start,
You just jump on the back as you would with a sled
And join in the chorus of "bring out yer dead!"

And I don't care for status, you'll all get the same
Dreadful service from me, everyone is fair game.
For example, a mayor with a dose of the pox
Gets the same awful treatment as a bloke in the stocks.
Though, if there's money involved, at a price,
We could warm up the probes and chase of the mice,
I could give you some privacy when you pass water
And clean every instrument, blade, saw and cauter.

What I'm also suggesting is building a wall.
Don't let any Falmouthians in here at all,
Or before you could say "Mochaccino Iced Latté"
All the hipsters would come and make everything arty
With obligatory signs, saying "Hey, Life's a Beach",
And no concept at all on the use of a leech,
Which, Coincidentally, we'd hand out for free
As they're good for your health and they're great company.

In schooling, we'd bring back charting the stars,
And focus on humours, the head, and the arse
As they're often the cause of humanity's ills,
And I ought to know as I make all the pills,
(And distribute the bills, and read all the wills and get all the thrills!)

And to all of you youths who are kicking about,
You'll get future employment, of that there's no doubt,
For there's always demand for more undertakers
In all of the towns where we are the rule makers.

So for boosts in the town of Penryn's economics
And health as distributors of our Top Tonics,
Vote, Dr. Theo, I'm the leader for you,
'Cause when there's nobody left, then their won't be a queue!

credits

from GurdyBird's GurdyWords & live tunes from 2016, released December 13, 2016
Recorded at Penryn Mock Mayor Election 2016 by Paul Betowski
Poem ©2016 by Tamsyn "GurdyBird" Swingler
Video can be viewed here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=23ryE-8xISU

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GurdyBird England, UK

Based in Cornwall, GurdyBird plays a Hurdy-Gurdy over her backing tracks which she performs, programmes and records herself, creating original compositions and unusual renditions of traditional folk tunes & shanties, performing with her music videos projected where possible for a multimedia, story-telling effect. She also roams acoustically at events, performs plugged & also dabbles in remixing. ... more

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